Why do I have so many followers? During the pandemic, I wrote a book. It was nothing special, or well received, but I wrote it. While tumbling down the rabbit hole of “how to publish a book” I read about agents and publishers requiring authors to have a social media following of at least ten thousand people. That’s a lot, especially for 𝕏. I could have bought an ad earning me throngs of random followers, but I like doing things the hard way. Not to mention, I wanted followers who I could actually interact with. Twitter / 𝕏 has more than its fare share of frightening whack-jobs I endeavor to avoid.

As of this writing, I have over ten thousand seven hundred followers on 𝕏, almost four thousand on LinkedIn, and almost four thousand on TikTok. I have this down to an easily replicable science. It’s not difficult to build a large social media presence of like-minded people. Of course, a few of them are bots, and over time, some legitimate people went dormant.

When I say I can recreate this process, I mean, I did. I have secondary TikTok and 𝕏 accounts that are growing daily. Managing them is a bit of a nightmare, but I built some workable patterns to help me keep them from fading into the algorithmic void.

What do I plan on doing with these accounts? I have no idea. While I’m great at growing social media accounts, leveraging them for business, that’s a whole different animal.

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Most of the “Jack of All Trades” part of my personality comes from dad. He worked on cars, taught at a technical college, worked as a programmer, drove a taxi…the list goes on and on. Whenever the opportunity arose to help someone, friend or foe, he was there with his tools and a can-do attitude. There was nothing he wouldn’t try with all the confidence of a trained professional, but little of the skill.

Mom, however, was self-centered, anti-social, and convinced she was a modern Leonardo da Vinci. Her paintings, carvings, and statues were everywhere in our house. The problem with her was, if you didn’t drown her in praise, she assumed you hated her work, and her very existence. I don’t think she was completely sane.

Merged together, you get me, but with the third eye of seeing them as the world saw them. I’ll try to do anything, in secret. I don’t want people to see me fail, and unlike my mom, I assume everyone will see my stumbles while ignoring my successes.

I’m a good writer, programmer and database developer, but history has taught me to never assume I’m great at anything. I could be, but I don’t see it. This won’t stop me from trying my best, learning from each misstep, and getting better over time. I kind of have an obsessive personality.

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Last week I realized I needed a job, and no, I couldn’t wait months for some corporate Rube Goldberg machine to start a weeks long review process that would likely end in me being ghosted. I didn’t need a lot of money, just enough to keep my dad in his home and pay down some debt I accrued over the years.

Enter the familiar world of fast food

It was remarkably easy to get a minimum wage job, even at my old age, and minimum wage isn’t what it used to be. The manager of that restaurant donned an apologetic expression as she told me the best they could offer. Uh, that was way more than I imagined, so…we’re cool. There was a catch, the beard had to go completely, not even a stylish scruff would be tolerated. I haven’t been clean-shaven at all in the 21st century. My first internal reaction was to wave goodbye, but I’m smarter than that.

Their company, their rules. I wasn’t a high-end software developer, or database guru who held some clout in a desperate organization. I’m an easily replaceable cog trying to squeeze money from one the most efficient corporations this Earth has ever seen. If I couldn’t part ways with my facial hair, then I deserved to fail. I will not fail.

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It took no effort at all to discover my dad’s big lie. Mom was confused, angry, violent… she had dementia. He kept this secret from his children for reasons I can’t comprehend. My wife, sister-in-law, and niece took care of her while dad recovered in a hospital. How they tolerated her nasty words and violent outbursts is nothing short of amazing.

My wife is an RN, and quickly realized my parents needed more help than we could provide, even after I left my job, so we moved them into an assisted living facility. Those places are expensive, like three times the cost of a mortgage on a good-sized single family home! We didn’t have a choice, and I assume others who experienced family dementia understand why they couldn’t keep living in their home without 24 hour monitoring.

When we cleaned out their house, I cataloged all the repairs it required, and there were a lot. I spent the next year and a half doing the best I could to get their house into shape for sale. During this time, last year in fact, my mother passed away from complications due to diabetes and dementia, leaving my dad alone in a facility that was only necessary because of mom.

Earlier this year I put dad’s home up for sale. To say I misjudged the housing market is an understatement. It didn’t sell, and now he’s out of money. I’m out of money as well. Next month, if it hasn’t sold, I’ll be moving him back into his house, but the repairs, and managing mom, has nearly bankrupted me. Luckily, my wife is still working.

I’d love to be a programmer or database person again, but I’m at an age where I’m no longer wanted in those fields. It won’t take much to right this ship. I just need to make a little per month to slowly reverse the financial damage this caused. I’m thinking… McDonald’s. We have a good history.

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Years ago, corporations found out that they could profit from celebrating certain large groups of people. To make more money, they kept finding more groups, smaller (but still big) groups to “represent”. When that well started drying up, they carved a new river of money… Offense by Proxy. What’s that? Well, it’s the most annoying thing ever.

I’ll try to make an extreme example (the cornerstone of Offense by Proxy). Let’s say I want to profit from a small group of people… Pitbull owners. Most of them don’t care about me or my business, so I have to get their attention. I find a news story, with a comment section, about a Pitbull that mauled a child.

If there aren’t enough negative comments about these muscle-bound brutes, I’ll make some. Later, I’ll respond to all the negative comments, including my own, in pleading defense of those sweet lovable creatures. I’ll blame someone else for the bad behavior of a statistical minority of dogs.

Soon, the comment section will fill with emboldened people (most likely not Pitbull owners… this is where the word Proxy comes in to play) who want to help defend these cuddly little fur-babies. It will be a digital bloodbath with Pitbull haters being eviscerated. I may casually mention a website where people can sign up in support of these misunderstood animals. Of course, they can buy merchandise on that site as well.

The problem with Offense by Proxy is that it ALWAYS takes on a life of its own. Other people, who have nothing to do with Pitbulls in real life, will create foundations and websites in support or opposition to Pitbull ownership. The sites and comments will grow more divisive by the day. I already made my money on that group, so I leave for another “cause” while the tumult I created festers over time.

I generated an atmosphere of offense that grows worse by the day and feeds itself on a never-ending supply of misplaced rage. People are too sensitive because corporations foster human empathy for profit.

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My musical tastes aren’t very diverse. The louder, angrier, and more foreign the music is, the better it is. My most listened to genre is German Industrial Metal. Some of my favorites, in order starting from most loved: Eisbrecher, Rammstein, OOMPH!, Megaherz, KMFDM… the list goes on and on. Why foreign? American music is polluted with well-crafted algorithms, making it appeal to the broadest group of paying customers. I’ve never fit in with large groups. Another reason for foreign music is that I don’t speak their language, so my brain doesn’t focus on the lyrics.

When I’m writing software, I need deafening music. There’s something about it that sets my fingers on fire, ripping over a keyboard, and churning out beautiful lines of code. There’s no better motivation than adrenaline (from music) and dangerous amounts of caffeine. I really miss the Dot-Com era.

Writing a book, now that’s a contrary beast. Music helps build scenes in my head like watching a movie with a heart pumping score, but I can’t write those scenes out with that distraction in my ears.

I assume this incongruity in seemingly similar tasks has something to do with logical processes versus creative ones. In my logic (coding) brain, music maintains or inspires my pace. In my creative brain, music channels my thoughts, restricting my imagination, and making writing difficult.

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My opinion of WordPress changed, dramatically, last year when I needed a database driven plug-in that didn’t exist in their vast assortment of plug-ins. Stating that a plug-in doesn’t exist for WordPress is an impressive statement if you’re the least bit familiar with the thousands of free and inexpensive plug-ins available for that platform. It may even be hundreds of thousands.

As I do, I started writing my plug-in with the assumption that this “toy” platform would be simple to manipulate. I was right, not about it being a toy, but about how crazy easy it is to write robust plug-ins. There’s tons of documentation and coding examples available to delight any investigative programmer. I had a lot to learn.

After a month of learning and testing I had an epiphany. WordPress handles all the annoying backend functionality that dogs corporate developers. This system takes care of user profiles, security, versioning (sort of), menu building, design… everything. How many times have you told your dev team not to reinvent the wheel only to have them—reinvent the wheel. WordPress is the entire truck. All you have to do is build the fun little things that go inside it.

Business plug:

If you have a customer facing website, having a developer build it from scratch is a terrible idea. With the evolving security challenges presented in our hostile world, home-grown security is a huge mistake that will cost you in the long term. It may even cost you your entire business.

I can write database driven WordPress plug-ins for practically anything you can imagine. The more complicated, the better, but you should search for a free one first.

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I have to laugh at the Norse Pagan wannabees who sit around roaring bonfires praying to the gods while embracing modern concepts of diversity and a tree-hugging love of nature. Vikings never did any of that. They were brutal, selfish, explorers, users of land… in short: The Viking people were freaking awesome and made sure everyone knew it.

You can keep trying to rewrite ancient history to fit your narrative, but we all know that’s just a fantasy to make you feel good about yourselves. Viking men and women were the epitome of alpha humans. They abandoned their genetically defective children to wolves, killed for sport, took what they wanted from weaker people, and cherished the concept of strong family.

So, yes, Vikings would most definitely use AI rather than remain dependent on a bunch of unhealthy, self aggrandizing, weak bodied outcasts. Unlike those gloriously violent Norse opportunists, the people whose livelihoods are about to be replaced by AI will never lift a finger to defend what they claim as theirs. This is what separates Vikings from us pathetic “modern” humans.

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Most of my efforts lately are centered around writing SEO friendly content for WordPress powered websites. I also create complex, database driven WordPress plugins that can do pretty much anything you want. My plugin PHP skills are insanely good and thorough, particularly so at my low hourly rate.

What’s my hourly rate? Well, it all depends on you. If you’re unrealistic and hyper-demanding, I’m going to be quite expensive. If you’re cool, I’m cheaper than most, if not all, of the highly skilled local developers you can find. No, I won’t compete dollar-for-dollar with Easter European, African, Chinese, or Indian developers. If you want to go cheap, that’s on you. Good luck. Fiverr is the place to look for that.

Unlike my foreign counterparts, I’ll meet with you, in person, at your office or a business of your choice (I really like coffee). I’ll even get with you to demonstrate updates on our ongoing project, if it’s a big one. Of course, this offer is only for businesses in the Jacksonville or Saint Augustine region of Northeastern Florida.

I’m competent in C#, PHP, and I can write Java, but it’s been a while. My T-SQL and overall database knowledge is legendary (in my own mind). Check out my career history for more information.

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Most will say they use software like Google Docs, and proudly proclaim their use of Grammarly as a helper. The funny part to all this is both of those tools are AI (artificial intelligence) powered behemoths. It’s only humorous because writers and authors will proclaim their hatred of anything AI and vow to unfollow anyone on social media who uses it. “Oh, but those aren’t actually writing it. They’re just tools.” Barf.

Even Microsoft Word has AI muddying up our world. So, what do I use?

I write with LibreOffice Write and LibreOffice Calc, Word and Excel doppelgängers, respectively. It’s free, and it runs on the big three operating systems: Linux, Microsoft, and Mac. It also has a poorly rendered, but functional, smartphone app called Callabora Office. I’d love to talk to the developers of that app and let them know some of my little annoyances… but… it’s free so I can’t really complain.

Yes, LibreOffice has a grammar checker. It may have AI somewhere in it. I don’t care, and I don’t publicly shame people who use AI while making lame excuses for my “tools”. I will avoid people who write an entire book for sale using AI as the book’s author, unless they admit it. I’d probably avoid them regardless, but I wouldn’t curse their existence.

Let me make this clear. If you use software from a huge company, you are using and feeding AI. Shut up about people who use it. Being holier-than-thou on social media while posting your Grammarly stats make you look like a moron.

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